the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
