I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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