i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
