he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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