I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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