I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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