I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
