Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
