i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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