hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
