So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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