i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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