You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize