I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
