so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
