Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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