We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize