My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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