Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
