Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
