these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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