i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worst night to have a conscience
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
