yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
