someone owes me an orgasm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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