you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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