My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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