you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
