the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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