dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
