well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
