If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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