were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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