My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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