i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
