Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
