Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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