I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
