I like my sex mixed with concussions.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
