i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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