I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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