thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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