Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
