can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
