grandma shit on top of the toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
