I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
