for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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