I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
