Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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