what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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