So drunk its hurt
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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