Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
