He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
