I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
