Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
