I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
