Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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