I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
