First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
