yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
