saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize