The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
