Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
