i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize