Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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