So drunk its hurt
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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