oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
