Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
