**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
