I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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