I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize