Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I deserve this hangover.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
