What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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