booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
