the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
